Spooked

Old habits are hard to break. Falling into the comfort of what you know is easy to do when you don't make time to think straight. Emotional eating, just surviving day to day, it all catches up sooner or later.

I've been struggling. I let work consume me. I lost my center of balance. My parents have been in and out of the hospital with various health issues. My brother carries the burden, and I worry for him. I have my own set of anxiety ridden issues I'm grappling with as well.

As happens when you roll a small snowball down a hill, it grows. And grows. And GROWS. Hours roll into days. Days roll into weeks. And the house of cards begins to shake.

Sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas I got lazy. Or I stopped thinking. I'm not sure which. I lost sight of the big picture.

I stopped making green smoothies. I forgot to drink my coconut water. I ate more cooked food. I started eating more seafood. What's a little chicken now and then if its easy and quick? Nothing wrong with a sub when I forgot my lunch. Who has time to cook??? Aaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!

And here I sit. A few weeks later, overwhelmed, shocked, and feeling like crap. I had convinced myself I had a blood clot in my leg. It looked nasty. It was sore. I googled it. Got scared. I made a doctor appointment.

Someone suggested I'd be pretty miserable if that was the case, so I started googling "low potassium symptoms". Wow. I had many of them. It's happened before, thanks to my blood pressure meds.

I told the doc I have symptoms of low potassium. Leg cramps, fatigue, crazy sweats, fatigue, did I mention fatigue? I told him my anxiety level was off the charts. He said my blood pressure showed it. 142/90. Three weeks ago it was 128/80.

He listened to my heart. A lot. I didn't even tell him about the pressure I sometimes feel in my chest when the stress builds, as he was scowling at the time. He wrote a scrip for bloodwork. He wants me to have it done tomorrow.

TOMORROW???? Yes. He's very concerned about my potassium and magnesium. How the heck do I fit THAT into my day?

I sat in the parking lot staring at nothing. I acknowledged that I'm spooked. A little scared even.

I came home. I put on my jammies at 5:30pm and I laid on the couch staring at the ceiling trying to breath. Oh ya. I need to relieve some of the anxiety. I pulled up my red blanky, aka the invisibility cloak and I petted the cats.

Relieve the anxiety. Easy for him to say! This was certainly not helping. Oh ya, and I've gained seven pounds in three weeks.

I suppose the good news is that I've had my priorities re-prioritized. I guess I'd best start the fast...

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Comment by Ashlee Piper on January 10, 2013 at 11:45pm: Oh, Penny! I'm so sorry to hear that you've been dealing with all of these challenges. Life can sometimes storm all at once, unfortunately, as you well know. I will tell you this - all of your health challenges can easily be reversed if you can try to go a little easier on yourself. You can't control everything, and it sounds like you're keeping it all remarkably coordinated, considering. Have a green smoothie tomorrow, start the day fresh, and go into those tests with confidence. You're going to be okay, and these things too will pass.

And let's not forget what incredible good you've done for those of us who have never even met you in person. I'm talking about this Community, where you're a huge backbone, inspiration, and support. If you were "faltering" in the fall and winter, you could've fooled me with all of your great advice, amazing pics of recipes, and loving support for other members.

Bottom line: You're awesome and you're well. And it'll just keep getting better. Please don't lose heart, give in to being anxious about things you can easily change or have no control whatsoever over, or be so hard on yourself. They don't call these things: life and veganism, on a smaller scale, of course, journeys for nothin'. :) Above all, let us know if there's anything we can do to make things a little brighter and easier. Much love!

Comment by Tiffany Mikkelson on January 11, 2013 at 12:50am: I totally agree with Ashlee, you rock. I have enjoyed so much getting to know you this past month and heck you have helped me with this transition with all your advice and such. It's nice to know I'm not alone and that I have someone in my corner.

So with that I'm in your corner too. Let me know if I can do anything to help you through this stressful time.

I will add to Ashlee's advice about starting fresh and having a green smoothie. Wear something you love. I find if I wear an outfit I love I feel so confident and like I can take on the world. :-)

Good luck tomorrow. :-)

Comment by Penny on January 12, 2013 at 10:12pm: I did not go on Friday. I would have been late for work and that wasn't an option. I will go on Monday. I have taken steps at work to step away from a high anxiety situation, with my bosses blessing. Family is what it is. A glass of wine now and then makes that better for a few minutes :-) (not exactly a long term plan!). I have taken time for myself the last few days, eaten better (which makes me feel better, go figure) and am really trying to relax and breath. Thank you for your support. My purpose in posting was really to remind others why it's important to do this.