Old habits are hard to break. Falling into the comfort of what you know is easy to do when you don't make time to think straight. Emotional eating, just surviving day to day, it all catches up sooner or later.
I've been struggling. I let work consume me. I lost my center of balance. My parents have been in and out of the hospital with various health issues. My brother carries the burden, and I worry for him. I have my own set of anxiety ridden issues I'm grappling with as well.
As happens when you roll a small snowball down a hill, it grows. And grows. And GROWS. Hours roll into days. Days roll into weeks. And the house of cards begins to shake.
Sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas I got lazy. Or I stopped thinking. I'm not sure which. I lost sight of the big picture.
I stopped making green smoothies. I forgot to drink my coconut water. I ate more cooked food. I started eating more seafood. What's a little chicken now and then if its easy and quick? Nothing wrong with a sub when I forgot my lunch. Who has time to cook??? Aaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!
And here I sit. A few weeks later, overwhelmed, shocked, and feeling like crap. I had convinced myself I had a blood clot in my leg. It looked nasty. It was sore. I googled it. Got scared. I made a doctor appointment.
Someone suggested I'd be pretty miserable if that was the case, so I started googling "low potassium symptoms". Wow. I had many of them. It's happened before, thanks to my blood pressure meds.
I told the doc I have symptoms of low potassium. Leg cramps, fatigue, crazy sweats, fatigue, did I mention fatigue? I told him my anxiety level was off the charts. He said my blood pressure showed it. 142/90. Three weeks ago it was 128/80.
He listened to my heart. A lot. I didn't even tell him about the pressure I sometimes feel in my chest when the stress builds, as he was scowling at the time. He wrote a scrip for bloodwork. He wants me to have it done tomorrow.
TOMORROW???? Yes. He's very concerned about my potassium and magnesium. How the heck do I fit THAT into my day?
I sat in the parking lot staring at nothing. I acknowledged that I'm spooked. A little scared even.
I came home. I put on my jammies at 5:30pm and I laid on the couch staring at the ceiling trying to breath. Oh ya. I need to relieve some of the anxiety. I pulled up my red blanky, aka the invisibility cloak and I petted the cats.
Relieve the anxiety. Easy for him to say! This was certainly not helping. Oh ya, and I've gained seven pounds in three weeks.
I suppose the good news is that I've had my priorities re-prioritized. I guess I'd best start the fast...